i graduated a few years ago and i want to share with you some things:
- I grew up being called ’gifted’ and smart. I did really well in school, to the point my identity depended on it. Then in college, I failed entire semesters, more than once. I also dropped out at one point.
- It was devastating and I was terrified.
- And yet: EVERYTHING TURNED OUT OK.
B/c despite what they’d have you believe, this is not the end of the world, and you are going to be okay.
Repeat it with me: You are going to be okay.
It’s common to feel like “everything depends on this.” I promise: it doesn’t. A couple things I want you to know
- ***Your worth & intelligence is absolutely absolutely ABSOLUTELY not based on or reflected by your grades.***
- The atmosphere you’re currently in breeds stress. Educational institutions have this messed up culture that pushes our minds into an ’emergency mode’ that does not reflect reality and forces you to panic unnecessarily. That’s why:
- Things are never as desperate as they feel.
- The panic you’re feeling is something you’ve been trained to feel, but it is not truthful.
- If you don’t do as well as you hoped: sweetheart, that Is fine. We naturally aim for more than we can reasonably manage, in order to push ourselves. Not reaching a goal doesn’t mean you ‘failed’, it means you aimed high and I’m proud of you.
- Everyone who has ever done anything has failed at some point. People who never fail are people who never try.
- Failing a class/classes is NOT the end of the line. Sometimes we need more time, or a second chance. Sometimes we need a different direction
- For years I thought I wanted to be an engineer. I declared that major as a freshman. I ended up retaking several classes before realizing that no, this subject was not actually a good fit and didn’t me happy.
- The subject I eventually got a degree in? I actually had to retake a few of the introductory classes, alongside classmates who weren’t even in the program but seemed to have an easier time than me. At the time I was embarrassed. Now, I’m proud that i stuck with it
- Please do not be afraid to ask for help even/especially when a deadline has passed/you feel ashamed for not asking sooner. Or rather: please ask for help even when you’re scared and it’s late in the semester. It literally cannot hurt.
You are still learning how to learn, teach yourself, and self-monitor. This is a Huge Big Part of being an Adult that very few of us don’t get formal training for. So of course you will make mistakes along the way. Mistakes are a symptom of progress.
You are making progress, and for that alone you deserve to celebrate yourself
